Why make love? Sex & Spirit

For you and your partner

Hi guys,

For those of you who are regular viewers to this blog post, my apologies for the prolonged silence. I've been busy writing my first book on healthy masturbation, soon to be available... keep ya posted!

Now, why make love?

I came across this quote, by Stephen Russell and Jurgen Kolb:

“Every time you follow your sexual desire enough to act it out, you are reaffirming your existence on the material plane, and so reaffirming your own mortality."

And it made me think: is sex just about satisfying a physical need?

Because it ain't to me! Let me explain...

• What do we do when we make love? Do we get locked in to our sensations, squeezing down on our excitement until it spurts out the end?
• Or do we focus on expanding ourselves, relaxing and savoring the experience?
• Now if it's the former, guys, you are missing out!
• If it's the latter, my guess is you will be touching on something close to a spiritual experience.
• Sex as a Spiritual Experience? What?

Yes. Think of it this way (and apologies to those of you who don't have a spiritual practice, this analogy might be lost on you...):

• If we go to church or the temple or other place of worship, we get in touch with a Higher Spirit/ God/ Divine/ Source, in a non-physical kind of way, but nevertheless, we hopefully know the sensations of being 'touched' by this Higher Power.
• If we make love to reaffirm ourselves in this physical world, i.e. sex makes us feel more alive and connected to our moment to moment experience, then is it not possible that Sex contains traces of Spiritual experience in it?

And if that is so, isn't the reverse also possible?

• Sex brings our Higher Power down into our everyday lived experience, and also
• Sex brings us up closer into connection and relationship with that Higher Power.

What if you, in self-loving, and your partner - the chemistry of the two of you together - could manifest such a communicative channel? What would you do with it? How would your life be improved?

Places of spiritual worship can connect us to a Higher Spiritual power, but negate our physical bodies.

Sex can emphasise our physical bodies, but negate its spiritual potential.

I realised that part of the attraction that I feel towards my intimate partners consists of their potential for creating and sharing a 'holy channel' with this Higher Power.

So, why make love? To get closer to God. To live with God in this physical mode of existence. To share that experience with another.

Yours,
DL

"Good news for wankers everywhere..!"
- Dr. Deborah Anapol, author,
The Seven Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author of "W@nker!": a practical guide for men to enhanced erotic practice and superior pleasure. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men. 

Masturbation: a challenge

Hi Guys,

Wow, first of all I've got to say "Thank you", because this is by far and away my most popular post. It makes me very proud to know that there are guys like you who are interested (and dedicated) enough to want better for their well-being and self-loving practice.

Maybe that's why I chose to focus on Mindful Masturbation in my first book..?

Cheers to you (and your drowsy head!). Now, on with the post.

• Here's the thing: guys masturbate. A lot. 
• What's more, they usually EJACULATE. A lot. 
• (And why wouldn't they when that's what porn shows them to do to 'finish off', right?)

• I've mentioned before that ejaculation and orgasm are separate possibilities, but let's focus on the cumming for a moment.
• You might know that each ejaculation releases a mix of chemicals in your brain, including: a spike of dopamine to give you that 'addictive high', oxytocin to help you bond with 'another' and give you that 'in love' feeling and serotonin, the 'calming, satisfaction' hormone. 
• (Of course, the last two aren't really acknowledged for lots of guys; they just focus on 'getting off' with that spike...I know there's more to you than that!)

• What you might not know is how long it takes for those chemicals to resettle back to normal afterwards. 
• I'm NOT talking 'The Refractory Period' here - the time it takes before you can 'go again'.
• What would your guess be? One day? Two days? A Week?
• Here's the news: It takes about 20 days! 
• That's right, 20 days before you get rid of your post-cum hangover!
• Next question: how long since you started to ejaculate have you been hangover-free??!!
• I know! No wonder most of the male population is so out of touch with themselves.
• So here's the challenge: Stay ejaculation-free for 21-days. 
• That doesn't mean no sex or masturbation. In fact, I'd encourage you to move your sexual energy every day. Just...no cum. 
• And if you do...start again.
• From my own experience of doing this, notice what happens around day 3/4, day 11/12 and, especially, day 17/18... you're in for a treat!
• I look forward to your feedback.

Be your best,
D.L.

Liked this article? Why not take my Pornography challenge too!

• PS For more on 'Masturbation' see my other post: how-to-get-bigger-cock-without-drugs.
• PPS Alternatively, here's the link to my book, W@nker!": a practical guide for men to enhanced erotic practice and superior pleasure, once again. In it I give you another masturbation challenge, only this time it's 30-days' worth. But, don't worry the book is written in a step-by-step way to make the absolute most of your masturbation practice. Enjoy!

"Good news for wankers everywhere..!"
- Dr. Deborah Anapol, author,
The Seven Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

How to get a bigger cock - without drugs, pills or dodgy herbs.

How to get a bigger cock - without drugs, pills or dodgy herbs.

For you (and your best friend) ;-)

• I'm serious, this is possible. Forget all that money-making medicinal bollocks.
• What makes your cock grow? Blood. Increase the blood flow to your genitals and - quelle surprise! - you have a bigger dick. This much we know. 
• Unfortunately, many guys have so much constriction going on in and around their genital and pelvic area - genetic conditioning, societal conditioning, interrupted child development, poor health, poor diet, guilt, SHAME, etc, and etc - poor old John Thomas is left a little thirsty.
• There is of course lots of things you can do to help deal with any and all of those above-mentioned things, but that's not why you are reading this is it?
• So, want a bigger cock? The answer is simple: GENITAL and PELVIC MASSAGE. Regularly.
• Although it feels great to have this done by a professional, if that thought is not yet appealing, worry not, you can do it yourself. 
• Next time you pleasure yourself (I hope you are already using oil or some other lubrication), spend time gently massaging the following areas:
• your pubic bone
• around the base of your cock (you should feel the connective tissues there)
• along the insides of your thighs 
• and, yes, very importantly, around your asshole (the pelvic floor muscles converge around there like a whirlpool, so give them a hand easing off).
• I suggest exploring this every time you masturbate (thus, on a 'regular' basis ;-))
• This will get your body used to being relaxed 'down there' and will increase the blood flow. Result? More pleasure, and, yes, BIGGER COCK. 
• I'd love to know how you get on. 
• For more on 'Masturbation' see my post: masturbation: guilt and curiosity.

Yours,

D.L.

"Good news for wankers everywhere..!"
- Dr. Deborah Anapol, author,
The Seven Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

The best reason to play with your asshole: Yin &Yang

Hi Guys, this one is for you (and your pleasure-seeking bottom!)

• Think for a moment, why do you masturbate? 
• What is it that encourages you to entertain the idea of grabbing your cock for pleasure?
• In times of comfort, need, separation, and unrest, the yang cock can be an attractive draw, because masturbation/ self-touch here can bring about a momentary sense of connection.
• A feeling of connection. That's what it's about really, isn't it?
• So to deepen and extend this sensation, to be able to carry this sensation with you rather than squirt it out at the moment of ejaculation, I suggest what is needed is a gentle and sensitive touch and a finger inside the more nurturing yin anus.
• Here there is more opportunity for you to open up - literally and metaphysically - to your chaotic existence/ experience, and to find peace and relaxation within it.
• Touch and stimulation on your yang-penis ought to be a wholly secondary sensation to those in your asshole at such times; a means to increase the mutual pleasure of the two organs combined. 
• Not as a counter-charge that fills the body with 'false' chemicals which dissipate after ejaculation.
• A finger in the bum is also a great way to delay ejaculation, as the necessary clenching of muscles does not fully occur.
• Practise gently. Savour. Enjoy.
• For more on 'Anal Play' see:  anal-play-for-self-love.

Be your best,

D.L.

"Very good news for wankers everywhere..! -
Dr. Deborah Anapol, author The Seven
Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

Masturbation: Guilt and Curiosity

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What is intimacy?

For you

• A quick glance on Wikipedia reveals that, "genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability, and reciprocity. "
• "To sustain intimacy for any length of time requires well-developed emotional and interpersonal awareness."
• Essentially, intimacy is a relationship that is robust enough to withstand a huge emotional range from conflict to intense loyalty. From that comes a sense of connection and communion.
• If we are not feeling, we are not intimate. 
• If we cannot express those feelings in a way that does no harm to ourselves,  anyone or anything, we are not intimate.
• If we cannot be intimate, how can we relate? How can we understand what connects us all?
• If you don't know intimacy, how can you be intimate with another?
• If you have read any of my other posts you'll know that it gives my own insights into how to live an intimate life. It starts with you.
• One of my teachers gave me this description a while back and I love it:
• Intimacy = 'Into-Me-See'
• Take the risk. Be seen. Be surprised. Find love. Change the world.

Be your best,

D.L.

"Brilliant" - Dr. Joseph Kramer

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

Why we need orgasms

For you

• Posted by one of my teachers.
• Starts off addressing women, then you men.
• Read the whole thing.
• It's the way to the new paradigm.
• why we need orgasms.
• For more on 'Orgasms', see my post: amazing full body orgasm tip: exploding colours

"Brilliant" - Dr Joseph Kramer

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

What it means to 'man-up'

For you

• Watch this short video and reflect on where you are at.
• Anything familiar?
• Help is available and you are not the only one.
• The Mask you Live In
• For more on 'Healthy masculine' see: Number one tip for the Healthy Masculine.

Be your best,
D.L.

"Good news for wankers everywhere..!"
- Dr. Deborah Anapol, author,
The Seven Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

What women want in a man.

Kali!

For you, women and the planet

• (Sounds dramatic doesn't it? Yes, intimacy really does extend to the planet, maybe further).

• Now, what do women want? Or should I say, what can we guys prepare ourselves for as both sexes step more into their power?
• KALI!
• 'Kali' is one of the female gods in Hinduism. Think of her as 'the destroyer of bullshit'. Both women and men have her qualities inside. 
• If you've ever seen a woman in childbirth swear her head off, and tell you to stop fucking about, this is the Kali power. The same is possible in a deep orgasm.
• Kali is to be feared only if you are not solid in your masculine presence (which is why I emphasize it so much). Kali will, metaphorically, cut your head off if you bullshit her.
• So, what do women (and men) want? They want someone who can handle their Kali energy. They want to feel safe enough to let her go, to let her come out and express herself. 
• Most women (and men) live with a feeling of some great untouched power inside themselves; secretly telling themselves the story that 'people can't handle me', or carrying the fear of 'losing themselves; becoming overwhelmed'. This is an unhealthy attitude to Kali energy. 
• Kali energy is very empowering.
• Kali energy is to be honored and respected.
• Kali energy comes from feeling safe and supported by the masculine (not, necessarily, the male, because they are different). 
• Kali is compassion.
• Kali energy is connected to, and can be safely explored during, orgasm.
• If your woman can go to and express her Kali energy with you (and vice-versa) this is a wonderful, deeply intimate expression of love. Allow it. It is not a personal attack.
• If she doesn't, be sure part of her wants to. Make deep intimacy your commitment.
• Note: Men be prepared. Do the work on yourself; know your healthy masculine and feminine. Globally, more and more women are stepping into their power. They are remembering their Kali power and she knows what you have done to her. The injustices that mankind has inflicted on women over millenia is being exposed and destroyed. You have a responsibility and a history with that. Be prepared to take her attack, and give your head willingly if you have stepped out of your power. See her. Hear her. Know your weaknesses and resolve to make them better. 
• And breathe!
• For more on 'Masculine and Feminine', see: An image of the Masculine & Feminine

Be your best,
D.L.

"Brilliant" - Dr. Joseph Kramer

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

How to extend your orgasm: implode

How to extend your orgasm: implode

For you, and your partner(s)

• First, guys, know that orgasm and ejaculation are not the same thing. 
• For most guys they go together, but you can, and I dare say, should, learn to separate the two if you want to really go deep into your intimacy.
• If you do currently ejaculate when you orgasm, think of this as the erotic energy inside your body exploding out. 
• Now, to extend your orgasm (and delay your ejaculation, thereby multiplying the number of orgasms you can have), you want that erotic energy to implode inside.
• How to do that? RELAX. Simple.
• Let that erotic energy build up inside you, then just before you reach 'the point of no return', stop what you are doing and slowly, gently relax your muscles, particularly your butt and pc ones.
• Allow any tremors that happen in your body. This is the erotic implosion that you want. Suck your breath in like a straw and let it go on the exhale to shift that energy around your body.
• Enjoy this practice ;-)
• For more on 'Orgasm', see my post: amazing full-body orgasm tip: exploding colours

Be your best,
D.L.

"Good news for wankers everywhere..!"
- Dr. Deborah Anapol,  author The Seven Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author of "W@nker!": a practical guide for men to enhanced erotic practice and superior pleasure. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men. To enjoy more of Diamond's insights and guidance, like, comment and share intimacytipsforyoungstraightmen.

Top masturbation tip: mindful practice

Hi Guys,

Every now and then I stumble upon an intimacy approach that really floats my boat. Well, 'mindful practice' is just such a one. So much so, that it is the basis of my book, lovingly titled: "W@nker!". I hope you enjoy both; this one is for you, and your cock ;-)

• Every cell in your body has the capacity for orgasm - fact!
• The more intimate with yourself you can learn to be, the better at intimacy with a woman you will be. Another fact! 
• Just because it feels good at the end of your cock, doesn't mean you have to keep all your attention there.
• Like the Buddhist practice of 'mindfulness' - meaning paying attention to every detail from moment to moment - the way you masturbate can be exactly like a meditation; only more profound!
• Focus on the way you breathe. Experiment with different ways; long, short, mouth, nose. Notice if you feel more aroused. Notice what feels good and allow it.
• Imagine your arousal as a ball of energy that you can move around your body. Move it. Sweep your hands across your body to help.
• Learn your patterns: mental as well as physical. Do you tense? Do you stop breathing? Work towards the opposite.
• Touch more than your cock and balls! Gently brush your anus. Gently brush your nipples. Slap your ass. Squeeze your pecs. Get involved and learn what turns you on.
• Take your time. Set an alarm. This is dedicated time for deepening your intimate capacity.

Be your best,

D.L.

• PS For more on 'Masturbation', see my post: Guilt & Curiosity.

"Very good news for wankers everywhere..! -
Dr. Deborah Anapol, author The Seven
Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

How to live with vulnerability: a video

For you

• Men, to get the life you want, vulnerability is the only way to go.
• Brace yourself and watch this the whole way through. 
• Brene Brown on vulnerability
• "You are worthy!"
• For more on 'vulnerability', see my post: No1. intimacy tip to change world

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author of "W@nker!": a practical guide for men to enhanced erotic practice and superior pleasure. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men. To enjoy more of Diamond's insights and guidance, like, comment and share intimacytipsforyoungstraightmen.

What is the inner masculine and feminine?: an image

For you

For more on 'masculine and feminine' see: http://intimacytipsforyoungstraightmen.blogspot.com/2014/02/number-one-tip-for-healthy-masculine.html

Diamond Lotus is as a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author of "W@nker!": a practical guide for men to enhanced erotic practice and superior pleasure. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men. To enjoy more of Diamond's insights and guidance, like, comment and share intimacytipsforyoungstraightmen.

Erotic practice: a video

For you

• How do you think about sex?
• How do you masturbate?
• Your erotic practice is important.
• Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgd3m-x46JU
• Play and enjoy.

Be your best,

D.L.

• PS For an erotic practice of 'deep intimacy', see my post: deep intimacy as healing tool.

"Brilliant" - Dr. Joseph Kramer

Diamond Lotus is as a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

Female Orgasm: a video

Hi Guys,

I thought you would be curious about this one! It's a short post today, but, yes, there is some stuff out there that we can all benefit from.

• Open your understanding and watch this all the way through. See how the women in the audience listen. And see how the men do too. 
• This work is deeply needed.
• Do you "dare to stroke" as she suggests?
• Female orgasm...a yummy video.
• Enjoy!

Be your best,
D.L.

• PS For more practical advice on 'Orgasms', see my post: How to extend your orgasm.

"Good news for wankers everywhere..!"
- Dr. Deborah Anapol, author,
The Seven Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

4 ways to touch a woman: Elements

Hi Guys,

You may have already come across my earlier post on 'How to Touch a Woman', called "Outside-In". I hope you enjoyed experimenting with it. This one is a little more Shamanic in that it uses the different types of elements (Earth, Air, Fire, Water) as metaphors for the quality of our touch.

Try to keep those images in your head while you explore each one:

How to touch a woman: outside-in

Hi Guys,

In case you didn't know, people love to be touched. In fact, to not be touched can feel like a death of sorts. Did you know there were studies done in which babies were denied touch? Yep, and do you know what happened to those particular babies? They died!

So this is serious stuff, guys. However, when it comes to arousing touch, men and women do things a little differently. So, if you want to avoid a little touchy-feely confusion and maximise your hand-job (!), read on:

• Most guys know that it takes a woman longer to reach peak arousal and climax than it does a guy. Ideally, think of it as a beautiful mountain walk together; at the top is a view and a feeling well worth the effort. 
• So guys, how do you make the walk together and not stumble around in the brambles?
• The energy in a woman's body moves differently to yours. Ignore what porn shows you, i.e. straight to the breasts and a frantic grab and rub of the clitoris. That's the way your energy works (so, tell your woman to reverse what I say here to really get you going!)

• Here's how: 

• Start at the edges of her body: fingers, toes, ears, face, hair, arms, legs. Take it slow. Notice how she responds to your touch. Notice which parts of her body twitch or move or otherwise invite you to touch or caress her there. Follow her lead.
• If you aren't sure, ASK!
• Her energy moves from the outside-in. That means, her genitals will be the last things that get touched. Build slowly. Resist your desire to go straight for her breasts or vulva. Relish what that delayed gratification does for you.
• Enjoy.
• Note: Like I said, guys, ask her to start at your genitals and sweep her hands across your body to move the energy inside-out and notice how good it feels. Remember, most of us touch the way we like to be touched. There are other ways.  
• For more on 'Touch' see my post: 4 ways to touch a woman.

Be your best,
D.L.

"Very good news for wankers everywhere..! -
Dr. Deborah Anapol, author The Seven
Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

Better sex: raise your vibration

For you and your new intimate community

• Do you have a poor diet? Do you avoid exercise?
• What is the narrative in your head?  Are you full of negative judgments about yourself, other people, life situations?
• What sort of language do you use in your everyday speech? Do you constantly whine, bitch, gossip or moan about things?
• These things make you heavy and slow. Like bad cholesterol, they block the energy movement in your body. In body and mind, you are dense!
• Which means the pleasure you experience in sex is severely limited.
• You have a very slow vibration. Unfortunately, most people in the modern, urban, instant-gratification-centred world live here. Even though they know there is more, they never question it. Oh dear.
• Begin to address and alter each of these things and feel the additional energetic movement in your body. Notice the improvement in your outlook and approach to life.
• Practise every day. Check yourself, especially with the language you use.
• And then have sex. Make love and feel how much more the pleasure moves in and around your body. Notice how much more enjoyment you can experience when you live at a higher vibration.
• Break your density. Create space in your body. Humans are 70% water after-all, so the more space for movement the better. You are not an ice-block!
• Note: People will respond to you differently when you live at a higher vibration. Some may resent your improved self-esteem and try to bring you back to their level. Resist. At best you will inspire them, at worst, you will move on and draw even more beautiful, higher frequency people into your life. Trust me, they are wonderful.
• And the sex? It becomes more than amazing. 

Be your best,

D.L.

• PS For more on 'Deep Intimacy', see my post: Erotic practice: a video

"Very good news for wankers everywhere..! -
Dr. Deborah Anapol, author The Seven
Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

How to relate to women: a new paradigm of equality

Hi Guys,

Ever been surrounded by a group of women who appear to be calling the shots, leaving you feeling out of sorts, unloved and, god forbid, emasculated? Read on:

• First, know that masculine and feminine energies exist and that they are not the same as 'male' and 'female'. We have both and usually we live with one more dominant than the other. However, we can (and I dare say we should) alter our state and way of being to embody the other form. 
• The masculine energy has a way of interacting with its environment; the word usually associated with it is: penetrating or active
• The feminine energy also has a way of interacting with its environment; the word usually associated with it is: receiving
• As a guy, you probably like being in control, knowing what you are doing and where you are going, etc (this has the 'penetrating' quality of the masculine energy). Even if you like 'going with the flow' (the 'receiving' quality of the feminine energy), I bet it comes out of a clear mindset and direction (even if it's freeflowing); therefore, subtly, penetrating.
• Basically, how you do 'go with the flow' will be a different approach to how a woman does it.  
• So, what happens when you are surrounded by a group of women who are calling the shots? 
• Most guys  try to take charge, try to control the situation, or they withdraw themselves, they try to ignore the helpless feelings it provokes in them. They do 'men' stuff and then tolerate the 'women'. Or they just sulk. And that's the old paradigm. 

• Try this: approach the women with no notion of controlling the outcome of your dialogue. There is no blame or shame or guilt happening here. Be prepared for whatever the outcome and:

• SPEAK HONESTLY FROM YOUR HEART about the helplessness, the lack of support, the isolation, the 'whatever' you are feeling in that situation. Claim your shit. Know your shit. Use the speaking to figure it out. Here is your opportunity to break that tension and grow.
• You are not being less of a man to admit those things
• You are speaking as a man from a place of more feminine energy (which wants clarity and communion). 
• It shows that you are willing to approach the women on their terms.
• It shows that you respect them for who they are, that you acknowledge their power and you are not afraid to show your vulnerability. 

• Most important: How does the man become 'not afraid'? 
• He cultivates and draws support from the healthy masculine role-model inside himself (which is what I'm all about and is something we develop in Pelvic-Heart Integration).
• The healthy feminine will be there too, but it is the masculine model that will give him the courage and the ability to speak and face his fears without controlling the outcome. 
• Note: if the women sense you are bull-shitting them, they have every right to eat you alive! And they will! A healthy masculine knows that and does it anyway. Soon you will learn when the shit is yours and when it is theirs. At that point your world just got a whole lot juicier!
• For more on 'healthy masculine' see: Number One tip for a healthy masculine

Be your best,

D.L

"Very good news for wankers everywhere..! -
Dr. Deborah Anapol, author The Seven
Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

No. 1 Intimacy tip to change the world: Ask permission

Hi Guys,

Now, in this post I'm going to suggest something that for a lot of you will appear contrary to what the conventional "being a man" ethos would expect you to do. You know, the out-dated concept about always man being in control, being dominant, and knowing when to make the moves?

Well, screw that! Certain skills I do possess, but to my mind, guesswork is not something I want present in my lovemaking.

• How do you know if a woman is ready for you to enter her? 
• How do you know if a woman is ready for you to touch her genitals (call it a vulva, call it a yoni, call it her sex, whatever). How do you know?
• Stop presuming and insisting (unconscious). Do this: 
• ASK!
• Simple as that. "May I touch you?", "May I enter you?"
• Take the risk of rejection, ask...
• AND RESPECT THE ANSWER!
• Simple.
• It brings you (and, importantly, her) fully present to the moment (conscious). 
• It brings shared responsibility for the encounter
• This is not you being an unsure wuss-bag
• This is you aware of and in control of yourself and the situation
• This is you making sure that she is with you in the experience 
• Just because she opens her legs to you, doesn't mean she necessarily consents.  
• Here's an important part: Many women are conditioned to be passive and/or compliant when it comes to sex. "Lie back and think of England" was what they used to say. They may be there in body, but not in heart and soul. Like Elvis, 'they have left the building'. This simple tip brings them right back to the moment and, importantly, hands them back their power to be involved or not. 
• Quieten your ego men. I have seen women burst open like a new flower because I dared to ask.    
• Now it is your turn. Show them the respect that they deserve.
• And remember...
• 'No' means 'no'. Deal with it. 
• For more on 'Conscious Relating' see: how to relate to women: a new paradigm

Be your best,

D.L

"Brilliant" - Dr. Joseph Kramer

Diamond Lotus is as a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

Sexual Tension: Get comfortable with it

Hi Guys,

Oh I love this post! It gets me all excited just imagining what juicy loveliness lies in store for you. If hot women make you go weak at the knees, read on...

• Getting comfortable with sexual tension is something that every guy can do. It is a very attractive quality because it shows your woman that you have self-control and can endure her sexuality without dissolving into an eager pup or needy wuss-bag.
• If, however, she makes your pulse race: plant your feet. Breathe. Enjoy the dynamic; it is a wonderful gift. Know that you are in control and can take it to the next level of intimacy whenever you choose. 
• If you aren't confident taking it to the next level, learn how.
• Look at her in the eyes. Hold her gaze. If you must look away, look to the sides or up.
• Again, enjoy this moment as a gift. Your woman will appreciate you much more for this.
• Plant your feet. Breathe. Feel the electricity buzz and tingle around your body. Stay with it. This interaction might go somewhere, it might go nowhere. It is a dance. It really doesn't matter, the enjoyment is all. 
• Practise: If you haven't already, go visit places that are full of overtly sexual beings, like strip clubs, swinger clubs, tantric gatherings. And... talk to people!
• This is not about you getting turned on and hiding it in shame.
• This is not about you loading yourself with the pressure to pull or get laid.
• This is about opening yourself to being turned on.
• This is about finding your relaxation around beautiful, powerful (and often very persuasive!) erotic beings.
• Imagine how much more confidence you will have.
• On a side note: A woman's body is genetically designed to be sexually enticing for us men. There is no shame in looking - then again, how do you 'look'? 
• With relish, enjoyment and gratitude for that being in front of you? (please say yes) Or, with cravings of ownership and possessiveness? With memories of jealousy, envy, betrayal, or revenge? 
• Own your shit first. And then enjoy. Because you can.

Be your best,

D.L.

"Very good news for wankers everywhere..! -
Dr. Deborah Anapol, author The Seven
Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

Top Intimacy tip for men: Active Receptivity

Hi Guys,

This short little post contains a golden nugget of information just for you.

I hope it will be a valuable reminder during intimacy with a loving partner and throughout your daily life together when the intensity of her feelings could be overwhelming...

• I want to introduce you to this friend of mine. He is called: Active Receptivity.
• Active Receptivity is you consciously allowing yourself the pleasure of receiving Love.

• It is not you pretending to receive by becoming passive.
• It is not you pretending to receive by waiting for your turn.
• It is not you enduring your partners touch while you figure out your next move.
• It is about surrendering control of your experience.
• It is about you staying involved in your experience. Your control comes in the form of your permission to allow yourself to receive. This is where you are active.

• This can be a meditation. It can be a daily practice. It allows you to be at choice in your experience.
• To be loved can be a frightening thing. We can close ourselves off, fight for our space within it, push people away. Basically, struggle for control. If we feel love from our partners presence, Active Receptivity is a way to consent to having that present in our life.

• So, stay present, breathe and take a bath in love.  And notice what happens to your interaction with your beloved when you do. Enjoy.

Be your best,

D.L.

• PS For more on 'Deep Intimacy', see my post: Sex Magick

"Very good news for wankers everywhere..! -
Dr. Deborah Anapol, author The Seven
Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

Better Thrusting: Loosen your hips

Hi Guys,

Just when you thought it was safe to stand still...

• Thrusting is great part of lovemaking. Unfortunately most of us have been taught (if at all!) wrong.
• To get the most whoosh in your tusch, thrust from your butt muscles. Simple, but most of us are stiff down there (unless we dance Latin!)
• Practice for yourself. Standing with feet hip width apart, flick your cock and balls up to your belly button and back to your asshole to get the full movement.
• What does your upper body do? Head stick out? All move as one? Practice until you can isolate just your hip area. Your butt muscles will be doing most of the work, not your lower back. 
• Play with increasing your speed and widening your stance. Get on all fours and do the same.
• This movement will help loosen up your psoas muscles, which, by the way, can hold a lot of emotional energy because they are used in fight or flight responses. Healthy psoas are essential for good hip mobility. Simply put, when we don't feel safe, our hips don't move.
• Thrusting is your friend. Enjoy with the fact that by doing it with relaxation you might just start to get turned on. Yes, you can thrust with a hard-on! In fact, this increases the challenge of the exercise. 
• You might even want to simulate penetrating your woman by lubing up both hands and interlockng your fingers to create a 'hand-gina' ;-)
• This is your exciting, erotic movement. Enjoy. Build up your stamina and your lady will love you too.
• PS: If you haven't yet, dance some Latin ;-)

Be your best,

D.L.

• PPS For more on 'Sex Techniques', see my post: Raise your Vibration

"Very good news for wankers everywhere..! -
Dr. Deborah Anapol, author The Seven
Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

Number one tip for healthy masculine: Unconditional Responsibility

Hi Guys,

Dare I say it, this may just be the most important tip for you in this blog,  especially when your shit comes up in intimate relationships...

• This tip is number one because it is the foundation of any intimate relationship you have; starting with yourself and extending to one or more other(s).
• Absolute Responsibility is you owning your shit.
• This takes practice, especially if it is a new habit. Build your awareness. 
• When that voice inside begins its chatter and starts putting blame or shame or guilt onto another person or situation, ask yourself: what is my role in that? What has it triggered in me?
• Admit your fears, weaknesses, insecurities to yourself. If not they'll bite you on the bum all the time. Face them down.

• So something happened and .... you got triggered:
• Admit you are scared
• Admit you are trying to avoid your guilt
• Admit you are afraid of being abandoned
• Admit you lack confidence
• And then take action to improve yourself: take responsibility. No-one else will do this for you

• Essential: Intimacy will trigger all this for you anyway, so be grateful to your partners for helping highlight your areas of work, rather than shift the focus and blame or try to change them. Know your part in whatever has arisen and let the other stuff go. 
• Like Ghandi said "Be the change you want to see in the world". And know that you can handle it.
• This is not mea culpa, so no martyr complex and taking all the blame for everything please. This is an empowering technique, not a reason to beat down on yourself.  Make sure your know the difference. 
• If you are brave enough to do this and more, get ready for great intimacy.

Be your best,

D.L.

• PS For more on 'Vulnerability', see Top intimacy tip for men: Active Receptivity

"Good news for wankers everywhere..!"
- Dr. Deborah Anapol, author,
The Seven Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

Amazing Full-body Orgasm tip: Exploding colours

Hi Guys,

Because I know that you enjoy orgasms so much, I'm going to teach you this little technique that is designed to have you a-shakin' and a-quiverin' with delight in no time flat.

Try it with yourself and/or a beloved:

• Essential: Knowledge of the Taoist practice of 'The Big Draw': see Mantak Chia's work on this.
• Essential: Knowledge of the 7 Chakra's in the body. If you don't know where they are, learn!

• Practise moving your energy (or 'charge' or 'arousal') into different parts of your body. 
• How? Like a Jedi: "Focus your mind, Luke." Ever seen a Martial Artist take a deep in-breath and long, slow out-breath before they fight? They're doing the same thing, only sending it to their 'centre' (or 'dan tien' in Chinese terms). You can place your hands on your Centre (just below the naval) to help too. 
• For 'Exploding Colours' you'll do the same thing but under an erotic charge and to all the chakras along your spine.
• The spine is the super highway of conducting erotic, life-force energy. Some talk about 'meridians', some talk about the cranio-sacral fluid - electricity conducts much faster in water, right?
• Know the colours of the chakras. As your arousal builds, breath in and send that energy to the first, base, chakra. Here's the big tip to help:
• As you breath out slowly, imagine the colour of that chakra exploding like a bright star in that area, covering all around it. Relax into it. 
• If your body start to convulse, you are getting the relaxation bit right. Let the undulations from your spine happen. This is key to full-body orgasm.
• This is not the end, remember 7-chakras! So build again and draw the energy into the first chakra, explode the colour and continue the draw into the second chakra. Explode that colour.
• Repeat until you can draw all the way up to your seventh, and highest chakra, and all that gorgeous, erotic energy comes spilling down over your RELAXING body as you breathe out.
• Allow the undulations and tremors. I cannot stress that enough. This is your body erotic. Love it.

Be your best,

D.L.

• PS For more on 'Orgasm', see my post: Female Orgasm Video

"Very good news for wankers everywhere..! -
Dr. Deborah Anapol, author The Seven
Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

Anal play for self-love: Know your asshole

Hi Guys,

Here's a little something-something for your private play...

If you haven't discovered the pleasures of your asshole during self-pleasuring, then now is the time to start. Here's how:

• Your asshole is the yin element to your yang cock. Want to have mind-blowing orgasms without wasting your cum? Get a hand down there too.
• Yin = receptive, feminine aspects of your body and experience. Touch your asshole like you'd touch a woman i.e. take your time, let it warm-up and soften into your presence there.
• Yang  = active, masculine aspects of your body and experience. Yes, think of most porn movies; go, go, go, with a rock solid hard-on. If you've ever given yourself a  'hard and fast wank' you know what this energy is like.
• Soft and gentle, use plenty of lube - coconut oil is a personal favourite. Play around the edges before penetrating slowly. One finger. You can build up to three (!)
• Use your other hand on your cock. Notice how your asshole wants to clench as you reach an ejaculatory climax. Breathe and keep your finger in there. And then go again...no cum just yet. Yum.
• If you have Ejaculatory Choice, notice how your arousal builds in your whole pelvic area, rather than being centred on the bell-end of your cock. If it feels soft and warm, you're there. Breathe and draw it all up into your spine.
• Use your hands to move that energy and around your body. 
• This is a true, personal intimacy with yourself. Notice how your energy shifts and changes. You may laugh, you may cry, you may swear, you may rejoice. You can control your experience and go deeper (literally) as your body softens.
• Breath. Sound. Movement. Stay present. There is no shame here.
• Note: the asshole is such a culturally sensitive and charged area of the body, especially for young, straight men. For some it is the base chakra, which holds our feelings of survival and safety. After experiencing anal 'pleasure' (let's not call it 'work') you might experience bouts of anger or other strong emotions as the experience settles into your body. This will pass. If you are concerned seek specialist help.
• Also note: You may also slip into a profound state of deep relaxation and ease with your body, your environment and your relations with other people. Try it and find out. Love yourself, you are worth it.

Be your best,

D.L.

• PS For more on 'Self-Pleasuring' see my post: Better Thrusting

"Very good news for wankers everywhere..! -
Dr. Deborah Anapol, author The Seven
Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

Oral skills for sexual expression: Releasing The Tiger

Hi Guys,

Here's a little something to try with a partner that you are comfortable with and trust, specifically when she is ahead of your mood...

• Shift the focus from: "she wants to have sex; she is trying to turn me on; I don't feel turned on; don't touch my cock; I don't want to be hard and penetrating"...
• to: "she is turned on and enjoying herself; there is no demand on me to be turned on or perform too; I can relax and stay with her; this isn't about regular, penetrative sex." You are in the role of Receptive (not passive) Lover.
• Bring your focus from your genitals to your mouth: Oral focus - lips, tongue, teeth only (hands for grabbing, holding, ripping, squeezing)
• Genitals may come into play but this is not the main focus or the aim.
• Stay with the oral focus, allow the body to express itself here - what does it want to do? suck? lick? bite? hold? chew?
• Does it want to be hard and firm? aggressive? tender and gentle? what is the impulse? Lean into that and follow:
• Take care of your partner. Things may become rough and noisy - allow the vocals. What are they? Snarls? Growls? Howls? Laughter? Grunts?
• Follow that oral drive and take care of your partner; stay connected.
• Savour. Relish. Enjoy.

Be your best,

D.L.

• PS For more on 'Sex Techniques', see my post: Better Thrusting

"Very good news for wankers everywhere..! -
Dr. Deborah Anapol, author The Seven
Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

How to use Deep Intimacy as a healing tool: Sexual-Energetic Transformation

Hi Guys,

You know, this is my first ever post on this blog. I hope you like it, because it is powerful stuff!

This is best done with a partner you are comfortable with and trust. Ejaculatory choice is an essential skill to have mastered if you want the most benefit from this ritual of Sex Magick.

I'm going to assume that you do, so here goes:

• With your arousal working at 70-75%; if 'the point of no return' is 80-85%:
• Delay ejaculation. By 3rd or 4th time of building energy to climax, the energy will begin to shift and charge as the desire to go for ejaculation is controlled and placed in the background of the encounter.
• Bring whatever images, fantasies, memories that occur into the foreground and use the penetrative action and ejaculatory choice combination to 'metaphysically (re)enact' whatever is occurring.
• You stay heart connected and aware of your partner.
• Here they are of service to you, just as you are for them. If well connected, this process is a mutual exchange.
• Quieten the ego and/or judgments - whatever you are doing is not real, but allowing it to be present and transform can make it seem so.
• We do not ejaculate and send that charge into our partner. It is highly charged with transforming matter. It is not fair.
• Use sound.
• And use breath. These are vitally important if things are to transform.
• You may laugh, you may cry, you may howl, you may shout and scream, you may swear. This is to be allowed and is not a personal attack on you, your partner, or anybody else.
• Stay present to what is happening. The more you can, the deeper the charge and the stronger the connection grows. This applies to both partners equally. It is a necessary responsibility. If you struggle to stay present, learn how.
• Allow both peaks and troughs in the exchange. Stay with it, stay connected as the emotional storm blows over. Breathe. Look into your partner's eyes; notice what you see and express your gratitude for their service. 
• You are born again and brand new. Well done.

Be your best,

D.L.

• PS For more on 'Conscious Relating', see oral skills for sexual expression.

"Brilliant" - Dr. Joseph Kramer

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer and educator. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.