Today I celebrate my success of living porn-free for 90-days, and counting!
(I wish I could say the same for my ejaculations, but, hey, twice is not so bad!)
In my last blog on this topic I promised you some insights from the other end of the rainbow. Well, what light do I have at the end of this tunnel? What wisdom have I discovered?
Oddly enough, it’s a strange sense of ambivalence from the so-called requirements of everyday living.
It’s like, I know pornography exists, but I’m just not drawn to it. Sure, I have been tempted, but just as quickly as it arrives, it goes. It’s like my body knows that the porn just won’t do it justice; it won’t fulfil my sexual needs.
Not surprisingly, I think less about porn than I used to. It’s not something that I consider until I hit a period of boredom or sadness; then the temptation begins to amplify. I don’t consider pornography until I write about it here. Saying words about my experience or recollections of it are the things that put me into a kind of trance, whereby I recall specific images or visuals that I had grown to adopt as my temporary favourites; just long enough until my tastes changed or I found a better alternative.
My experience goes along the lines of: I want to watch it but on the condition that it look and feel as good as the 3D reality version. It doesn’t. It never will, and so there is very little point in me even going there. It’s not even an argument that I have to convince myself to believe, as I had done in the past. It just isn’t in my vocabulary.
Like many men, I assume, I have often relied on pornography to stimulate me sexually. If I had been feeling down or lethargic or bored or sexually underwhelmed, I would use porn as a trigger, a relief and a release. Now I find I am less down, less lethargic, less bored than usual. I have felt sexually underwhelmed, but I would say that is more down to the changes in my sexual tastes and practises. Porn used to fill a gap; telling me there was something I needed and it would provide. It didn't, it just numbed out most of my senses except those highly charged ones around my genitals.
Once I took that out, I was initially left looking around for replacements and then, through my Pelvic Heart Integration practice, I found a way to come back into my body and honour my sexual drive too. Cutting out pornography has been a disciplined practise of "not-too-much-disembodied-sexual-charge", because that would have tipped me into mindless browsing. Alternatively, by using breath, sound and movement, and the concepts of PHI, I have found a way to go deep into an embodied sexual charge. As a result, I've been very turned on and very sexually satisfied. PHI has therefore provided much more of a lure than parking myself in front of a computer for several hours!
With that in mind, I plan to continue monitoring my sexual inclinations as it moves to and from the pornography temptation. I know I will be tempted for the cheap thrill of porn. I'm getting it as I write this blog. What I also feel is the temptation to live a holistic, erotically charged and aware existence. Such a thing is available to me (and you) when that dopamine-fueled cycle of reward is given a chance to harmonise itself and create a new living homeostasis. Such a thing is available when we live pornography-free.
Be your best,
D.L.
PS: If you haven't yet read my previous entries on this subject, you can get them here:
Pornography challenge: Day 71/90 and here: Pornography: a challenge Day 26/90
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| "Very good news for wankers everywhere..! - Dr. Deborah Anapol, author The Seven Natural Laws of Love |
Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.
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