Two hot women making sex sounds

For you and your voice box

Hi guys,

As you know, I am a big fan of making noise, especially while self-pleasuring, and also during sex. And I really get turned on by listening to women make them (authentically) too.

Now, with that in mind, I came across this great little vid on YouTube...

Owning Your Shit #1: I am a Man, I am a Rapist.

"The dark side of men is clear. Their mad exploitation 
of earth resources, devaluation and humiliation 
of women, and obsession with tribal warfare are 
undeniable. Genetic inheritance contributes to their 
obsessions, but also culture and environment." 
- Robert Bly 

For you, for her, and the good of the planet

Talk about owning your shit!

In a previous post I shared an article by one of my mentors, Mike Lousada, in which he writes about our Shadow aspects, and how they can be made all the more manageable by bringing them into conscious awareness.

Well…

The other day, while conducting a walking meditation on ‘resentments’ and ‘forgiveness’, numerous strands of influence and understanding collided and a wave of realisation came over me.

Firstly, I have had numerous sexual partners - usually of African heritage - who have later confided in me that they have been the victim of a sexual violation. 

"Why am I attracting these sorts of women to me?" I often wondered.

Secondly, there have been several occasions in my erotic explorations when I have physically felt ‘raped’; a presence that has over-powered, smothered without consent, penetrated, and violated me. Now, I’m almost certain that nothing like that has happened to me during this lifetime - thank goodness - so where has this association come from? Perhaps it’s a repressed memory or an inherited one from generations ago?

Thirdly, for the last three years I have had a series of on-off intimate encounters with a particular woman, and there has been a growing tension in the power-dynamics between us. The encounters have never led to penetration, even though the attraction has been there. This ‘tension’ has been bothering me, to the extent - I am sure - that my body has begun to feel the effects. 

This woman has, unfortunately, suffered sexual trauma in the past, so, initially, my realisations took me here: She - the Wounded Feminine in her - wants or wanted me to rape her(!). 

Unconsciously, I assume, her hot and cold behaviour has been a manipulation to arouse such desire in me that I will force her down, force her clothes off, force her lips to mine. Force, force, force. This has made me angry.

I came to believe that she - consciously or unconsciously - was

Why ejaculation can make you feel odd.

Hi Guys,

As you know I'm an advocate for mindful masturbation, so why is it that ejaculation can sometimes leave us feeling apathetic, lethargic and downright grumpy?

Okay, you might have heard of the 'refractory period' - that little bit of time a guy needs after he's just shot his load and before he can get enough steam in his schlong to go again, but this post is not about that.

No, biology and physiology aside, this post suggests that that lingering, odd feeling we guys can get is more to do with how we come about that ejaculation.

(Which reminds me of another post I need to write about the different levels of orgasm...)

For those of you who have read my new book, "W@nker!": a practical guide for men to enhanced erotic practice and superior pleasure", you will know that I talk about Embodiment a lot.

Embodiment is the process of becoming aware of and inhabiting with our whole body, our immediate experience (in this case, sexual, sensual and intensely erotic).

I believe that ejaculation carries with it whatever we are experiencing inside us at that moment in time. We, literally, fire-out into the world our creative potential. So, if we are embodied and present in our erotic, sexual and sensual experience, then any kind of ejaculation from this point will affirm us as worthy, embodied, present and erotic beings. Which will automatically be carried on into whatever is 'birthed' from it.

But...

If we are jerking off and ejaculating as the culmination of a 'passive wank', then we are most likely NOT embodying our experience, and will instead affirm ourselves as disembodied, absent, and probably guilt- and shame-filled human beings. Not the most pleasant of things, if you ask me.

So...

What is that odd feeling we can carry with us? It's whatever we were experiencing - secretly or not - at the moment of our release. The good advice is: with a small shift in attitude and practice, you can choose what experience you want.

For more info on 'passive wanking' and how to affirm yourself with/without ejaculation, I will, of course, recommend my book :-)

Best practice to you, guys.
D.L.

Liked this article? Why not learn how to deal with jealousy too!

"Good news for wankers everywhere..!"
- Dr. Deborah Anapol, author,
The Seven Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.

3 Levels of Sexuality work

For those of you thinking about it (!)

Hi guys,

Before we begin...my book on Mindful Masturbation practice is done!

"Good news for wankers everywhere..!"
- Dr. Deborah Anapol, author,
The Seven Natural Laws of Love

Thanks for sticking it out and waiting for me! Go here to check it out.

Now, in this post I'm going to share an article from one of my teachers, Mike Lousada, founder of Psychosexual Somatics.

It's quite long (I've copied it in full with his permission), but as it advocates safe practice, I'm all for it.

It goes like this:

"It is my strong belief that one thing which makes for a good practitioner in this field is awareness of our motivations. Here is a piece I wrote exploring that topic.

Why Work With Sexuality?

Motivations – A Personal Perspective

“I couldn’t feel, so I learned to touch”

Leonard Cohen, Hallelujah

Sex is a dangerous topic. It is still taboo and causes all kinds of nervous reactions when the topic is raised. Working with sexuality in a somatic healing or therapeutic way is even more contentious. We are likely to illicit a variety of shocked reactions or judgements from those with whom we share our chosen professional path. The risk becomes even greater when working with clients. We must always be present to the risk that the client may become attached to us or that they may level accusations against us of inappropriate conduct or worse. So why would any of us want to work in the field of sexuality? I believe that in order to work effectively and safely in somatic sexology we must look at what motivates us to work in this particular area. I believe we need to explore three, ever deeper, levels.