How to turn social frustration into Purposeful Gold

"When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember 
that four of his fingers are pointing at himself." - Louis Nizer

For you, but really for me...

As you probably know, I am currently training in Pelvic-Heart Integration. This can be a challenging modality of transformation, so the question I often myself is “Why?”

“Why would anybody want to undergo ten sessions of PHI work?”...

In my attempt to find an answer, I first wrote down my frustrations and concerns. This included my projections and prejudices towards "people" - hereby to be known as Social Frustration! 

This is what I wrote:

When I say things like “Inner Masculine” or “Inner Feminine” to people their eyes often glaze over. When I say “Sexual Energy” to them, I can see there is a pique of excitement that is then quickly hidden or discarded for a more reticent approach. 

“Do people really want to improve - or ‘heal’ - their sexual selves? Are they really that interested?” I ask myself often.

“Am I the person to offer that?” I also ask myself.

My feeling is that people would rather not go near their demons or shadows unless, or until, those shadows jump up and bite them on the bum (and sometimes slap them in the face several times too), and cause them damage: sometimes physically, sometimes spiritually, emotionally, socially, financially, whatever. Even then, my assumption is that they will just be interested in a quick fix without too much fuss.

What sort of world is it that we live in in which people believe that “life” or “living” consists of a maintenance of their - usually unhappy or dissatisfied in some way - status quo? They want "change", but they also want "the other things" to stay the same.

Why do so many people want to live their lives without a modicum of interference or acceptance that their current “who I am” might just not be functioning as effectively as it could, or, indeed, should?

To be honest, it pisses me off.

On another side of this, there are then those people who view sexual healing from a “victim mentality”.

These people essentially want the same "change-but-not-change" thing. These are the people who have transferred their (response)ability to give or receive pleasure from themselves to their “healer”. They come to classes and sessions looking to be “fixed”, “healed” or “resolved” in some way, without ever really addressing their own role in shifting their status quo. 

These people also piss me off. Okay, they’re a step ahead because they’re at least attending workshops, classes, sessions, etc. BUT - and it is a big but - these people are dangerous, because really they attend with a secret agenda.

Once their secret agenda is shown the mirror that let’s them know “healing” or “fixing” is their own responsibility and requires addressing their own shit, they are more than likely going to become hysteric and hurl all sorts of abuse at their so-called ‘“perpetrators”.

If not, they’ll skulk off until another “healer” comes along to which they can attach yet more false hope. Because really, it’s not about “healing” or “fixing” for them at all. It’s about “getting off”. As the character Leticia says in the movie Monster’s Ball, “Just...make me feel good!” 

There is also a third sort of person: the “Eternal Tantrikist”. These people attend classes, go to festivals, and even create whole communities based around the affirmative feelings they receive from other like-minded Tantrics, rather than address their own self-esteem and addiction issues.

They insist on “worshipping the inner God/Goddess inside of me”, rather than say “hello” and deal with any personality clashes in a straightforward kind of way. That would take presence and balls.

This is not to discredit the Tantra movement - not at all, I enjoy as much as the next person being swept up in the erotic high often manifested in these sorts of events - it’s when people use those highs to replace the self-acceptance and expression that they would not otherwise gift to themselves. 

I know this sort of person intimately, I was one.

They piss me off because my bullshit radar is pretty good. Unless these people are speaking from their own integrity and authenticity - and I know people who do - I usually want to walk away (thereby becoming my first type of person myself!) or give them a slap.

Hang on a minute...(and this is where my ranting stopped my reflection began)

...I’m really just expressing and shitting on aspects of myself aren’t I? 

There’s a famous alchemy formula that says: “As within, so without”, and so it goes with all these projections and judgments that I am expressing here with you. 

People are people. We are all just as messed up and complex as each other. Sure, there will always be people who push our buttons, but really what is that? Is that them? Their problem, that they should fix, for our benefit?

Or is it, as the formula tells us, that "they" are evidencing parts of ourselves that need some work? “As within, so without”...

If I took that approach, I’d say that I am being overly harsh, critical and judgmental towards others because, right now, I do not feel as safe, secure and empowered in my life as I have done previously. Naturally then, I’ve got my protective antennae out as I search for those latter feelings.

My attitude is one of insecurity and anxiety about myself: who I am, what I am doing, where I am going, what I have done, etc, etc, etc. So naturally, I am over-sensitive and reactionary to the merest hint of this, so-called, “weakness” in others. 

Anger is evidently my default reaction to “these people”. It would therefore be easy for me to become violent and destructive. Of course, I’m socially “constrained” (okay, let’s call it “aware”), not to do such things in public and so, if I'm not careful this anger has nowhere to go but inside; attacking me and perpetuating my judgmental mindset.

Guys, this is why “Awareness” is key. 

You see, I wrote all this stuff down - my bitchiness, my distrust, my judgements - and in doing that I realised that I was really speaking about myself. 

In putting this diatribe into words (and risking the backlash of internet trolls), I’ve not only learned that what I am perceiving in the outside world is as a result of what’s going on inside me, I’ve also got a clear indication of what to focus on in order to change that perception. Currently, in my case: safety, security, and self-sufficiency - my right to be.

Knowing this, I have Purposeful Gold. 

I guarantee you, when we focus on those things that are really at the root of our frustrations and action, people (and “life”) in the outside world appear a whole lot different.

As we achieve clarity and vision, we become motivated, assured, confident and capable. This, of course, has the added bonus of making us pretty damn hot!

But...

...this approach takes courage. Awareness and Action takes courage.

Needless to say, our subconscious is on our side. If we continue to ignore our judgments and projections, they'll happily amp up further and further until someone, or something, blows!

Eeek!

Anger is not our enemy, it is our energy. 

Let it be yours too:

• Notice what’s going on for you.

• Write it down.

• Keep writing it down.

• Notice what’s really going on for you.

• Make that the focus of your “anger” (or should I now say,  the focus of your “determination”, “passion”, “desire”).

Be your best,

D.L.

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Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.