Pornography: A Challenge - Day 71/90

Hi Guys,

I am now on the 71st day of my 90-day porn-free challenge. For almost three months I have not once looked at, searched for, nor glimpsed a piece of pornography. I haven’t ejaculated in that time also. So, to be honest, I’m feeling a bit superhuman.

Now, you could say that I have cheated somewhat because I’ve just returned from a month surrounded by naked people in various Tantra and Conscious Sexuality Festivals and Pelvic-Heart Integration Activations. All of whom were most happy enjoying their (newly re-found) eroticism and sensuality. It was certainly a great relief from the mini-struggle I was having whenever I sat at my computer.

That being said, as I return to a more internet-based lifestyle it still feels more or less normal to not feel a victim to the sexual fantasies and images that occasionally surface in my head. Previously, such mental erotica would be a frequent occurrence that would then trigger a bout of porn browsing and/or passive wanking. 

So, at 71-days in, I guess one of the questions that need answering is how sexual do I feel? Have I given up and gone all celibate-asexual or have I freaked out and gone crazy-horse-horny? Neither really, but the changes are apparent.

I’m already a pretty sexual guy, so I’m always feeling sexual at one level or another. Now, however, I would say that my sexuality and sensuality is less mental-and-genital-only-focused and more whole-body-breath-and-movement-focused. I also feel more at choice around how and with whom I share my erotic expression. 

I love being turned on and I love dancing in that charged field (who doesn’t?). However, while I was using pornography I’d most likely be partly in my head about what I was experiencing: Did it reflect what I had been watching and therefore trained myself to believe was what turned me on? Did it remind me of anything I could look up later to really get my kicks from? Was my arousal building to a self-sustaining plateau or spiking like a sugar-junkie desperate for the next piece of uber stimulation? It’s such a shame that most erotica focuses on that latter point, because there is so much more fun to be had.

I’m 71-days in and feeling curious, sensual, sexual and excited about myself and the people that I meet. Yes, I could go and have a look at some high-definition breasts and intercourse, but why? Until about day-50 I was occasionally pre-occupied with the temptations of the images available in my favourite videos. My inner dialogue was something like: “Have a look…No….have a look…No!” Then something in my brain switched. I know those image exist, but my body now seems to be saying, “Huh?…What?” If the memory gives me any arousal at all, choosing to self-pleasure or move that energy in some other way feels like a much more natural thing to do. 

Is all this as a result of 71-days of abstinence or a combination of abstinence with erotic celebration in community? I’m not sure. I have 19-days of this challenge left and most of that will be outside of said community. Will I be tempted or have I solidified my porn-free lifestyle for good? 

I’ll let you know at the end of the rainbow..! In the meantime, feel free to have a go at one of my Masturbation challenges.

Be your best,

D.L.

"Very good news for wankers everywhere..! -
Dr. Deborah Anapol, author The Seven
Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. Currently training as a teacher of Pelvic-Heart Integration, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.