The Pleasure Focus

Whether you are solo or with a partner(s), I encourage you to explore this mindset. I know for a lot of us, “giving pleasure” is the first thing on our minds, and knowing whether our efforts are effective can be a source of anxiety for a lot of us (that’s another post right there!). However, for those of us who have progressed a little and discovered how the body often hangs onto stuff that gets in the way of experiencing pleasure, clearing this in itself can become an obstacle.

…There I was, lying in the bath exploring my body and, like Archimedes, I had a “Eureka!” moment:  what if my point of focus was all wrong…?

You see, as a bodyworker and empath, I’m used to searching out and sensing sore points in the body that hold some kind of unwanted emotional charge; a past trauma, stuck emotions or a repressed experience, that sort of thing. Naturally, I do the same thing when I’m exploring myself. However, what I realized there as I lay in the bath, was that if I was only ever hunting for this kind of discomfort-release, then I was missing a vital part of my experience: pleasure.

I’ll be honest, I’m not sure if we can ever fully release all those negative aspects of our lived experience. Try as we might, unless we go deep into the body on all levels (physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual) simultaneously, it’s likely that the relief we feel will only ever be temporary, as these things have a habit of relocating themselves. Pelvic Heart Integration attempts to do just that, and for the most part succeeds, but I digress…

The next time that I touch myself, or am touched by another, I will ask myself one simple question:

“Can this contact bring me pleasure?”

This simple mindset adjustment will naturally lead to alterations in my subsequent behavior; be it the quality of touch or the movements of the body or the rate of breath and sound.

As one who is often defensive about touching or being touched by another - empaths usually pick up lots of your unwanted stuff - this Pleasure-Focus will help me on two levels that I can think of:

1) To trust that not every kind of touch is a threat to my wellbeing.

2) Cathartic release of discomfort is not the only way to experience remedial touch.

We all want to be trouble-free and joyful right? I believe that pleasure is the way for us to achieve that. Unfortunately, it’s been tainted enough to make sure that it comes with a whole load of dogma and cultural taboo attached to it. And who knows what our (past) life-experiences have brought us too…

So, it is with that in mind that I endeavor to allow myself some time and space to adjust to this new mindset. There may be occasions when the answer is a definite, “no!”, and so be it. However, there will also be times when I receive a surprising, “YES!”.  And for the chance of that response, I’m in!

Be Your Best,

DL.

"Very good news for wankers everywhere..! -
Dr. Deborah Anapol, author The Seven
Natural Laws of Love

Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. As a Pelvic-Heart Integration facilitator, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.