Hi Guys,
As you may be aware from my previous post, I am embarking on another 30-Days of self-pleasuring, following the Mindful Masturbation Meditation structure given by Dr. Joseph Kramer in his Yoga of Sex course, and which I write about in my book "W@nker!"
I am about to complete my first week of practice, and I can tell you now that my journey is revealing itself as a journey to and from the Heart. I know that might sound a bit New Age-y for some of you, but really, it is. Despite the fact that I am taking this meditation as an opportunity to improve my strength and fitness by swimming three times as week and dancing twice a week, alongside the erotic practice, it is my heart that is really revealing itself to be the kingpin of my arousal.
You may have guessed by now that since completing my first bout of 30-Days MMM two years ago, I attracted a wonderful partner and fell deeply in love with her. Two years down the line and the relationship has disintegrated. I never expected to discover somebody with whom I could reasonably envision myself spending a large part of my future with, but she was One. Alas, life circumstances drew us apart and now I find myself hurting in my heart and struggling to re-connect it with my genitals.
I know that can sound odd, but I am certain the main reason for the erectile and arousal difficulty that I am experiencing is because of the glass ceiling I experience around my chest area. I do so want it to be relaxed, open and free to channel the arousal higher into my crown chakra and out again around my body, but right now, that energy putters in the lower regions of my body and should it begin to peak and rise, I either cut it off or feel a wave of anger rush over me.
This is anger hiding hurt I am sure.
As I spend more and more time focusing on my heart with and without arousal, I am noticing anger more and more. Am I attached to it? No. Do I want to be rid of it? Of course. However, I know that there is learning for me within it. It will only clear when the time is right. I may be in for a number of irritable days and impatience and lack of compassion towards others yet, but the more I continue to practice with good faith, I know there will come a time when whatever is residing in there will release and clear and I shall be filled with love, ecstasy and boundless joy once again.
I know of no other embodied practice that can bring this about in such an all-encompassing way. It is for this reason that I advocate sex-positive, mindful practice over time, be it solo-loving or with partners time and time again. I am love. You are love. It's just the living and being human that needs some work!
Be Your Best, With Love,
D.L.
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Diamond Lotus is a sex-positive erotic explorer, educator, and author. A Pelvic-Heart Integration facilitator, Diamond is passionate about promoting healthy models of intimate relating for young, straight men.
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